My one lasting COVID symptom is extreme fatigue that keeps me in bed half the day, and the other half, fighting off sleep. It’s almost funny, my creative energy and imagination have not been suppressed with it, but perhaps the opposite.
I close my eyes and see new dramas and films as I lie in bed, hear full orchestrations all in my head. I fall asleep writing poetry and wake up having written songs in my dreams.
Yet I am frustratingly powerless to create them because of my lack of energy. And then I realize — was I ever powerful to create on my own? Or is every single creative piece a complete collaboration, a product of relying on the Creator to ideate and create with me?
But then I think — will no one hear these symphonies? Who is it that I am creating for, anyway? Could it be that it is less about the product, less about being seen, and more about the joy of the process — creating with the Creator, awake or asleep?
I wonder how much of my creative frustration before has been a result of my striving independently, perhaps striving to be seen.
— My Bedtime Prayer lately —
So exhausted
But I can’t sleep
Head full of ideas
But unable to do a thing
It’s long after midnight
Without a wink of sleep
But still I’m haunted by wild dreams
An unbroken stream of visions conceived
From the unrelenting possibilities I see
Impacting every waking moment of those who are now sleeping sound or restlessly
O Creator how I long to create
I am fascinated by your endless creativity and strength
And here I am endlessly dependent on you, asleep or awake
You are the dawn that I rise to watch break
So now I lay me down to wake
Trusting you to keep my dreams safe
Let me sleep so tomorrow I may
Join you, Creator, in every detail you shape