Confession: I wasn’t excited about releasing my new EP until last night.
My old friend comparison decided to pay a visit the past few weeks. I started comparing my writing to my favorite writers’ songs, and questioned if I should even release it. Their songs are way better, so who needs to hear mine? Insecurity joined the party, and told me to look to others for their opinions rather than find my worth and security in what God says. I forgot that the whole reason for recording this was because I just want to love Jesus, and because he called me to.
I remember when I first confessed to a couple Jesus followers (who I thought were just the coolest) that I struggled with comparison. It was really hard to say out loud, because honestly, I compared myself to them. I wanted to be like them because I thought they were awesome, but I also wanted to live their life. It looked so awesome, even from the more personal things they shared.
A couple years later, I was still struggling with comparison. There was this girl I grew up alongside, and we were constantly compared to each other by those who knew us. I’m sure their intentions were pure, but it sowed seeds of envy in me. It’s crazy how such a small thing can grow a forest of envy and insecurity in due time. I realized how crippling it had become, and asked God to free me, and undo the damage of this comparison.
Fair warning, when asking God for things such as this, remember that his answers often involve us getting to do uncomfortable things with him. I felt God lead me to confess to this girl what I had felt toward her, then he challenged me to pray for her and her success daily. I’m not gonna lie, at first it was hard. But through it, God has been answering my prayer, freeing me from comparison and insecurity. In the process, it’s been fun to learn to celebrate all the successes God is giving her and see her thriving in her journey as well!
What if I could return to that place when I was just a child, before comparison and insecurity had stolen my innocence?
While I was leading worship recently, I felt God tell me to “celebrate gifts.” He went on to show me that through this, he would heal me of comparison and insecurity.
“Comparison isn’t just the thief of joy, it’s the thief of everything. Keep your eyes on your purposeful path. Celebrate others. Celebrate progress, not perfection. Cultivate gratitude over comparison. ”
I’m learning to see everything — everything, as a gift. And I’m learning to celebrate all that the Lord gives me, and all that the Lord gives others. We would never tell someone who gives us a gift that it’s not good enough…isn’t our response always gratefulness? We don’t originate any of our gifts, and none is truly ours. But we get to learn how to use them in order to point people to the goodness of the Giver. In celebrating gifts, we celebrate Him.
The enemy is always seeking to steal what God has given us, and I caught him in the act. The goal of this EP is not to gain fans or followers, not to influence the masses, not to “save souls”, not to display talent, not even to create something meaningful. It’s just to love Jesus.
So Jesus, here’s an insignificant little gift to show you I love you. It comes nothing close to what you deserve. Thanks for inviting me into this project, giving me so much joy along the way, and teaching my heart to love you.