Yes, I’m in seminary. No, I’m not quitting music.
Yes, I’m loving every minute. No, I don’t plan to be a pastor.
Surprised? So am I. Here’s the story. It’s long, but it’s good.
Back in January, God told me I was entering a training season that would be one of the most foundational times of my life. I had no clue what that meant, but I was excited because my current life seemed a far cry from life-giving. A couple months later I told God, “I’m tired of being a teacher. I just want to be a learner for once. I long for a teacher who cares about my whole self, not just about me learning something.”
Around the same time, I started running into this 60 year old man everywhere I went. It wasn’t just at the same place, or at the same time on the same day...it was random places at random times. And he wasn’t stalking me - he’d already be there, then I’d show up. So if anything, I was stalking him (but I wasn’t, I swear). I texted one of my friends each time I saw him, and she insisted that I HAD to talk to him -- but what was I supposed to say? Hey, I see you everywhere? How bout no.
It got to the point where I knew the days I was going to run into him, and would even recognize his voice across a room (creepy, right?). One day I had an extra 30 minutes before I had to be somewhere, so I decided to hit up a starbucks on my way. As soon as I turned my blinker on, I knew he’d be there. “Jesus, if he’s there today, I’m talking to him. I promise.” Sure enough, I walk in and he’s just sitting there at a table by himself. Still clueless about what I was going to say and what kind of conversation it would lead to, I approached the 60-year-old mystery man with fake confidence.
“Hey, I know this is really weird, but I’ve been seeing you around a lot lately, and just wanted to be able to say hi and let you know I’m not stalking you!” (Great initial conversation-starter, eh?) He looked a little surprised as he smiled, “Oh, I know a lot of people your age since I’m a professor, so I just assume anyone who looks familiar is a student of mine. But I’m guessing you’re not?” Turns out he’s a religion professor at a local college, happens to know one of my college religion professors (all the way out in Nebraska), does research on the same topic I did my senior project on, and loves Jesus. We talked for the next half hour about religion, philosophy, our stories, and where we’re headed next.
Out of nowhere, he interjected, “I’d love to be a resource for you and help you find a grad school to continue studying religion!” I had no desire to go back to school. At all. I tried to brush it off, but he kept making connections, telling me people and places to look up, as well as books to read. He went so far as to send me his own unpublished research so I could continue studying! I wrapped up the conversation, thankful I had been bold enough to talk to him, but oblivious to what effect, if any, it would have on me (and why God thought it SO important that he kept making our literal paths cross).
As I drove off, something in me that had been dead for a long while began to breathe again. I had no words to describe it, but I couldn’t stop smiling -- even though my meeting with the mystery man hadn’t altered any of my future plans, I was all of a sudden so excited about life. I found myself researching graduate religion programs that night. What am I doing? I’m a musician, still paying off college debt. This makes no sense. Close browsers, get back to making music.
On my first day of seminary, my dad happened to be visiting Minnesota for work, and took me out to breakfast before dropping me off at class (where we re-enacted my infamous first day of kindergarten). It was especially special since he’s a pastor.
As if it was that easy to get away from it...on the phone with my dad the next day, I told him about my odd encounter, and my newfound unexplainable zeal for life. I also confessed that the last year had been pretty rough for me, and I hadn’t written a song by myself or for myself since before I gave my senior religion presentation. “Ashley, remember the conditions of your life when you wrote all the songs for your album? You were spending every morning just studying God’s Word, and all those songs flowed as a response to what God was revealing to you. If you want to write again, it’s time to get back into studying God’s Word seriously. You should consider seminary!” Yeah but…
I found myself reaching out to a seminary that night to ask about taking a part-time class. The very next morning, I received an email back from the Vice President of the seminary, who apparently knew me. “Ashley, I saw you lead worship a few years ago, and already knew then God was calling you into Christian leadership! This could be a great place for you to be equipped.” ...ok God, I’m listening?
Two days later, I woke up in the middle of the night experiencing significant spiritual attack. Almost too scared to even sing, I just started whispering the name “Jesus”, which then turned into “Jesus, Jesus, you make the darkness tremble...” (thanks for this prayer, Mosaic Worship). I kept singing, and eventually realized I wasn’t singing a song already written, at which point I asked -- “God, are we writing a song right now?!” It was just like “the old days” when I didn’t have to try, lyrics and melodies just flowed as I listened to the Lord. If you want to write again, it’s time to get back into studying God’s Word seriously.
Long story short, I turned in my seminary application the day it was due. I never saw the mystery man again until the day I had my seminary interview (4 months after I met him), having just asked God for confirmation that he really did want me to go to The Master’s Institute. And I’m writing songs again -- in fact, I’m so excited about them that I’M RELEASING A LIVE EP THIS FRIDAY, OCTOBER 26TH!
Oh, I love my Jesus. And I love that He’s a God of surprises.